Oh What's Today? Oh Yeah, Friday

Having a sickness that only affects you from your neck up, is absolutely horrendous. Only being able to breath through one nostril, nearly coughing up your lung every time you start a coughing fit, and on top of all that, my throat is sore. Although I should say, was sore. Right now I'm mending and on an uphill climb to being healthy again. I went to bed last not barely being able to breathe, so sleep wasn't easy at all, it actually took me a while to get comfortable enough to even attempt to fall asleep. I did, eventually, and I actually slept through the night without waking up. When I did wake up, I could breathe, and felt a good bit better than I did the night before. My throat wasn't sore; I could breathe through my nose (although it was still a little runny), and I wasn't coughing nearly as much as before.

I followed my normal morning routine, which consisted of me waking up; taking ten to fifteen minutes to get out of bed; going downstairs to get me a glass of milk; taking my morning medicine (adderall, toprol, and since I was sick, ibuprofen); getting fully dressed; telling the parents goodbye, and finally going to my car to get the show on the road. I was cold, even though it was probably only in the 50's with the Sun shining, which led me to believe that I might have had a low-grade fever. I turned on the heater in my car, which works amazingly, and took my normal route to school. By the time I got to school (30 minutes or so later) I was nicely warmed up, and even when I got out of the car and headed toward the library I never got as cold as I was earlier. So I guess I didn't have a fever after all.

Usually my class is held in the CH (Communications & Humanities) building, but since it is a college success class, we had to learn about the library's online resources, like its catalog and databases. Also, our regular professor wasn't there, which he had already said he wouldn't be, so we had just a librarian, and not many people showed up. When I say not a lot of people, I mean that three showed up, of course our class only has I think seven people in it to begin with. We finally got done with the “class” and I headed over to a table that was next to a wall outlet. Mostly because I was busy talking to some friends on Facebook and my computer was about ten minutes away from death. So I plugged it in and voila, I had power again. I was in the mood for talking a lot, which means I was in the mood for typing a lot. I thought for a second and then realized I hadn't updated my blog in a good while. I opened up OpenOffice, which is an open source word processor similar to Microsoft Office, and began to type about my day so far.

Now, I'm still sitting at the circle table typing away. That is my day in a nutshell. Nothing special, unless you consider being sick and at school special, but hey, I talked to my friend Bobby and he suggested that we hit up Stetson's tonight. Stetson's is a nightclub and tonight they are having a “Best Chest in the West” competition. I thought that wasn't a bad way to spend my night. I also found out that this best chest competition has a guy part as well. I guess I won't be paying attention to that part. I really do hope that these plans work out and I end up having a great time. Tomorrow, I will be sure to update this blog and tell you how my night went and tell you about (hopefully) how the rest of my weekend will be. Especially since I do have plans for every day of this long weekend. It's only a long weekend because Monday is Martin Luther King day. A strange holiday if you ask me, yeah he is an important person in history, but there were plenty of people who did more than he managed to do, such as Benjamin Franklin, and look, Franklin has no holiday for him. I guess it could be because King was shot and killed, but so was Tupac. Tupac should have a holiday, since he is widely considered to be one of the most influential rappers of all time.

Photography is a Stress Relieving Art

 Photography. It's what gets my mind off of things. Just wandering around the world, taking pictures and making to world go from a boring scene, to an artistic photograph. The shades of black, the hues of color, and the subject itself. Whether it be a person, a plant, a building or even just some railroad tracks I stumble across, it all can be made to be aesthetic.

Today I went on a photographic adventure, walking around Florida State University's campus and the areas surrounding it. I saw signs of age, and beauty, along with destruction. From old railroad tracks that came to an abrupt halt, to graffiti that was precisely done. Every detail in the graffiti was on-point and every line and curve beautifully done. Along these railroad tracks was trash that had been left there from people walking around, with no respect for nature, but all these tiny details lead to the area being like it was. There were wildflowers growing on either side of the tracks, as if placed there in random order, since there was no pattern to them, just every so often there would be a patch of flowers sprouting up from the dirt.

One of the areas on the south-east corner of FSU's campus was pretty much a industrial park, with dysfunctional railroads, abandoned warehouses and machinery and factories scattered throughout. Some people may consider this an eye sore, but I saw it as an opportunity to take some wonderful shots, which I did. Then there was the barbed wire fences surrounding each factory and each warehouse. Rusted and vine ridden, falling apart in some parts of the fence, and from some of these vines, were flowers. Which showed beauty in destruction.

Sometimes all you have to do is sit back and admire what is put in front of you, don't disturb it, let it be. Whether it be some garbage on the ground or a flower growing up through the rocks. I don't mess with these simply because each thing is a detail in what makes the place that you're in, well, the place that you're in. It's part of its personality, if inanimate objects had personalities, which in my opinion, do. The personality is in the looks, and everything that surrounds it. For example, take the graffiti on an old warehouse wall, what makes up its personality is the wall, the paint, the surrounding atmosphere. Everything makes up its personality, even just the angle that you're looking at it. I try my best to take a picture of it that captures at least most of its personality in one single picture.

Like I said earlier, photography is not only a hobby, it's also a stress reliever. It gets me away from all of the stressful events that happen in everyday life and leaves me alone, with just me and my Nikon. No, not all of my shots turn out to be great ones, but it's the act of shooting that makes the stress just leave my body. I'll look at the picture and say “That one isn't too good, hmmm, maybe this next one will be better”. I do this until I have the perfect picture, at least perfect in my eyes. That's all that photography is about in my case. It's a stress relieving art.

My lifetime goal, when it comes to photography at least, is to travel around the country, if not the world, and take pictures of different cultures, different landscapes, and just the different personalities that this world has to offer.  

Music and My Mind

 I'm just sitting here right now. Listening to music, and letting my mind drift to wherever it wants to go, whether good or bad, it's just flowing right now. Tech N9ne is what I'm listening to, and his lyrics can really make you think. From fighting depression to dealing with suicide, and just a good bit of dark themes. No, not all of his songs are dark, but I can relate to so many of the darker ones. I might as well have a chemical imbalance in my brain. I think of the strangest, sometimes dark, things. From death to life and everything in between. It even keeps me up at night sometimes. My mind starts to sprint and doesn't know how to stop. Eventually I have to trip my mind, and it falls, coming to a stop. That is, of course, a complete dramatization. One way you can trip your mind is with drugs, and I've discovered another way to do that though. I trip my mind with music. I slide on my headphones and allow the beats and lyrics to take control and steer my mind.

I think it's the silence actually. The silence allows my mind to go wherever under its own power. My mind doesn't always seem to make the correct decisions, it goes to a place that I really don't want it going to. The darkness, I love the darkness, I embrace the night time. It's my cloak, it allows me to do whatever I please, without being seen. I don't mean that as in I'm going to murder somebody, but I mean that the darkness allows me to be myself. I have a horrible habit of conforming to what is socially acceptable. Sure, it may sound like a good habit, but that's just not me.

The light is like taking the covers off of me, and after being in the dark for so long, it's actually blinding. Blinding me to reality. It's like looking into a flashlight, you see nothing but but brightness, when all you really want is darkness. It's hard for me to adjust from one extreme to another one. I never did like change from day one actually. Even the simple changes, like the changes from one class to another in school. I just couldn't adjust to save my life, my mind drifts, yes, but I can't make it go from one subject to a different one. It does what it wants to. I have some control, but I don't have a complete reign on it.

When the Sun sets, and the moon comes out, I smile. The moon is my friend, because when it comes out, darkness ensues. Like right now, it's early in the morning, still dark, and if you couldn't tell, my mind is running rampant, going from one thing to another. Some may call it schizophrenic, or maybe even multiple-personality disorder, but it's not. It's simply an overactive mind, one that sometimes gets away from me. It never completely leaves me though, it might as well be on a leash. Quite a long leash, but it can't leave me, I won't let it leave me.

Looking up

I look up to the sky, looking for some answers. I'm not going to lie, tears will build up in my eyes. I've lost a lot, it's tough to look up and realize that you're looking at your friends. They're up above me looking down, I miss them. I really do. Sometimes I just ask the most simple question. "Why?"

Is There A Higher Power?

I've figured out what hurts more than almost any other pain that I've ever experienced. That would be love, and the loss thereof. Everyone loves there true friends, you know, the ones that have your back when things get sticky. I mean, and then losing them. Death comes in so swiftly and unexpectedly. You can die in the blink of an eye. I've also learned that you can't do anything about it, when it's your time to go; it's your time to go. Embrace death. I know that sounds dark and kind of evil, but death isn't always the worst thing that can happen. Suppose you were in an accident that leaves you in a vegetative state, would you rather stay that way for years, and be emotionless and motionless. Sitting still for years, eating through a tube, not being able to do anything with your life. Now, would you rather be that way, or find out what's in the afterlife? Me, personally, I would love to know what's beyond life. Is there another life? Is there heaven? Hell? Or is it an eternal rest? When I was younger, I used to silently think to myself, "What is death?". I rarely question that now, for I know now that I won't know that answer until the sand in my hourglass runs out. Does it flip back upside down and begin again? I know I just said I rarely question death, but this is one of those rare times where I bring it up publicly. It's not necessarily to make me ponder such a question, but to get you to brain-storm the question. As of now, there is no wrong answer. An answer cannot be wrong, when the answer is unknown.

My curiosity has gotten the best of me before, and because of this, I'm curious as to what the afterlife is, what it holds. Will I meet Satan, God, Jesus, or some other almighty creator? Or maybe I won't be any higher being. I guess, all you can really do is hope for a higher power. I've also heard that Jesus or someone similar will come to Earth and take all the saved to Heaven. "The rivers will run with red". Will it? "The world needs to be ready for the ten plagues". "Storms of fire, and swarms of locusts" I've heard all these sayings before. The Bible says to worship, and read the scriptures. But the scriptures were written by man though. Therein lies the problem; man. Man destroys everything in its path, and lies about anything and everything. So how do we know what to believe? Everybody seems to believe in a supreme being, what if it's an illusion; if people are just seeing things? People wondering if we get wings, believing in an extreme king. We are in a never ending war with ourselves. Look at Iraq, Afghanistan, and even the third-world countries such as Somalia, where violence is so prevalent, you have young kids carrying around AK-47's. People keep there right hand on the Bible, I keep mine on my rival. Like the old saying goes "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." Devils, and demons, and humans. Is there really a difference? If there is something up there, I hope that higher power is watching over me.

The young people don't see faith the older see. If the laws in the Bible are bogus, then prepare for anarchy. Worst case scenario is that there never was a higher power, so in the midst of chaos, the world will use fire power. Religions are questionable, they all differ, yet are so similar. "God created Earth in seven days, he finished in six, but rested on the seventh". In the Islamic religion, the Qur'an does not discount the possibilty of the Big Bang theory. "The heavens and Earth were joined together as one unit, before we clove them asunder."After this large explosion Allah "turned to the sky, and it had been (as) smoke. He said to it and to the Earth 'come together, willingly or unwillingly'". Just like the Bible, the Qur'an says that Allah created the heavens and Earth and all in between them, in six days. The Muslims interpret these six days as six distinct periods, or eons. In Hinduism the universe has yet to be finished, it is still under construction. They also say that all of nature and God's creations are manifestations of Him. Hindus say that the supreme consciousness (God) divides itself into Shiva (consciousness) and shakti (energy), half male and half female. They state that the universe is about 14 billion years old. With all of these religions, all written by man, and like I said before, man is the most destructive and dishonest creature that is on this Earth, I just think that there is no religion that is correct. They are all interpretations of what man thinks, either they "heard" God tell them what to write, or they just felt like they knew exactly what to write. Our minds trick us pretty much all the time, so why would you believe anything that man says? What if it's all a lie? Maybe, just maybe, there is a supreme being, but until I know for sure, I'm sticking with my mindset. Man may think that they are telling, or writing, the truth. The "word of God" but we lie to ourselves. Have you ever told yourself something that wasn't true so many times, that eventually you believed it? What if that's what happened when all of these scriptures were written? I've made a promise to my life, just like marriage, but it's till death do us part.

Until I die, I will always look to the sky and look for a sign, any sign of a higher power. So far, nothing. I do this everyday. Look to the sky, maybe not wanting to die, but wanting to know if there's anybody, or anything, up there. If not, man will have one thing to look forward to, and that is total chaos; all out war. You've seen it in the movies, an apocalypse, the so called "end of the world". The world passes away, leaving us to fend for ourselves. When man is sent to fend for themselves, we don't think straight, we end up with nothing but death and war. War...war never changes. We have progressed so much, technology wise, but in comes the 'paradox of progress'. We have time-saving devices, but still complain about not having enough time. We have war time weapons and defenses, which are harmful to the world, and all of its' occupants. I can see it now, we advance so much we blow ourselves to smithereens. This is like pressing the reset button. The human race will be required to start from a new beginning, but we will still have war. Starting with zero technology. We will be back to sticks and stones instead of nuclear warheads. Like I said earlier, war never changes. When the world dies, it doesn't disappear, it sits there, dormant, dead. Man will have to revive the Earth. Rebuild from the ground up. This is how, in my opinion, the world began. We started with nothing, built up, and now we will end with nothing. It's a never-ending vicious circle, what that has been repeated for billions of years. Maybe man wasn't here billions of years ago, maybe it was a different being. It's also possible that man has been here since the beginning, building up Earth, tearing it down, building it back up, and then tearing it back down.

What if Earth WAS created in an explosion, what if the universe has an a limited age, as it is still growing, but there is an infinite amount of dimensions. We have black holes, no human has been into one, what if these are portals into another dimension? What if the universe that we live in, was spit out through a black hole and has since been growing rapidly. The dimensions have been here for an infinite amount of time, and maybe when we die, we go to another dimension. A younger, newer one, without the memory of our past life? What if this has been going on since, well, forever? It's like holding up two mirrors, one facing the other one. You peer into it, and see an infinite distance into each mirror. These are like the black holes, infinite. Going on forever. Each panel you see in the mirror being another dimension. Just think about it. It's possible that there is no limit on these dimensions and when we die, we just move on to the next one. And so on, and so forth. So again I ask, is there a higher power?

Jordan

It's been quite a rough night for me. one of my good friends, Jordan and I'm not going to mention last names for private reasons, got in a horrific car accident last night. He still hasn't woken up since then. If I'm not mistaken, the doctors have him in a medically induced coma. There just trying to reduce the swelling in his brain. The first 48 hours will tell me a lot about the condition that he's in. All I can possibly do is hope for the best, which I am doing. So now I'm functioning on a few hours of stressed sleep. Luckily, today is the last official day of school, all I have left is finals, which are next week. I'm now dreading the finals because of all the stress that I'm dealing with. And I apologize if all it sounds like I'm complaining, but I needed to get some of that off of my chest. Very much so actually. I was at the winter talent show at Wakulla High School when I got the call from Jordan's cousin, saying that Jordan is in bad shape, and there's a good chance that he might not make it, so hopefully I'll get to visit him before things might get worse, but once again, I'll be hoping for the best.

First Friday & School

Well today has been, well, just another day in my life. Sure, it's a Friday and all, but all I have done so far is go to school, went to class, took my notes, and then took my Physical Science test. I'm hoping I at least did half-way good on it. A C, maybe higher, who knows. I get home, take a peak at the newspaper and what do I see on the front page? An article on the Florida A&M Marching 100 hazing death. I don't understand why they even call it the Marching "100" when there are well over 300 band members, well there's one less now. The hazing death is all over the news, and not just locally, it's also a headline on CNN, which surprised me. One band members death and it just explodes in the media. Yeah, the band is considered one of the best in the country, but still.
On another note, I am hopefully heading to First Friday tonight. First Friday is an "art exhibit", and I put those commas there because most people that go there are nothing but hippies and stoners, and the occasional protest happens there, like last month when the Occupy Tallahassee movement came through. "We are the 99%!" That's pretty much all they yelled the entire time, and my bet is that the majority of them don't even know what they're protesting against, heck, I'm not even sure what they're protesting against, but it needs to stop because it's all in the news as well, and they're not accomplishing a single thing.