Music and My Mind

 I'm just sitting here right now. Listening to music, and letting my mind drift to wherever it wants to go, whether good or bad, it's just flowing right now. Tech N9ne is what I'm listening to, and his lyrics can really make you think. From fighting depression to dealing with suicide, and just a good bit of dark themes. No, not all of his songs are dark, but I can relate to so many of the darker ones. I might as well have a chemical imbalance in my brain. I think of the strangest, sometimes dark, things. From death to life and everything in between. It even keeps me up at night sometimes. My mind starts to sprint and doesn't know how to stop. Eventually I have to trip my mind, and it falls, coming to a stop. That is, of course, a complete dramatization. One way you can trip your mind is with drugs, and I've discovered another way to do that though. I trip my mind with music. I slide on my headphones and allow the beats and lyrics to take control and steer my mind.

I think it's the silence actually. The silence allows my mind to go wherever under its own power. My mind doesn't always seem to make the correct decisions, it goes to a place that I really don't want it going to. The darkness, I love the darkness, I embrace the night time. It's my cloak, it allows me to do whatever I please, without being seen. I don't mean that as in I'm going to murder somebody, but I mean that the darkness allows me to be myself. I have a horrible habit of conforming to what is socially acceptable. Sure, it may sound like a good habit, but that's just not me.

The light is like taking the covers off of me, and after being in the dark for so long, it's actually blinding. Blinding me to reality. It's like looking into a flashlight, you see nothing but but brightness, when all you really want is darkness. It's hard for me to adjust from one extreme to another one. I never did like change from day one actually. Even the simple changes, like the changes from one class to another in school. I just couldn't adjust to save my life, my mind drifts, yes, but I can't make it go from one subject to a different one. It does what it wants to. I have some control, but I don't have a complete reign on it.

When the Sun sets, and the moon comes out, I smile. The moon is my friend, because when it comes out, darkness ensues. Like right now, it's early in the morning, still dark, and if you couldn't tell, my mind is running rampant, going from one thing to another. Some may call it schizophrenic, or maybe even multiple-personality disorder, but it's not. It's simply an overactive mind, one that sometimes gets away from me. It never completely leaves me though, it might as well be on a leash. Quite a long leash, but it can't leave me, I won't let it leave me.